DEDICATED TO JOHN PETER AND DESTINY FAITH
I don't even know where to start...
Losing a child is the worst thing in the world. Your heart breaks.
It's like you have something real special inside you and then God takes it away for some reason or another... and you are left literally empty. Your belly actually aches, so does your heart.
I yearned for both my angels all these years and I still do. I don't love them any less, in fact I love them more.
I know they are in a better place, that is what keeps me going everyday. I think of the two most beautiful angels in Heaven. I think of them surrounded by pure, unconditional, LOVE. I am happy that they are there.
Then I think of myself, I'm so lonely without them. I think of what they would look like, act like, how they would turn out to be...
I wonder how come God saw this as fair... taking away MY two babies. What right does He have? But, then I think, babies are miracles... God gave them life, God can take it away. Right?
I have joined a support group on the internet for losing a child. It has helped a lot. Help me move on, help me deal with my losses, and also gives me the chance to talk to other people who have gone through what I have.
Losing a baby hurts. I never got to see mine, never got to hold them, or bury them. They went to Heaven before I could do that.
Sometimes, I envy people who got to hold their babies, dead or alive. I envy the people who got to baptize their babies, and bathe them, and take pictures. But, then I think, would that be harder to let go of a baby I got to hold. COULD I let the nurse take my baby out of my arms?
And then the hard part... not knowing why they died. The doctors never gave a reason... it just happened. So, how do I know that it wasn't something I did, wasn't hereditary?? Is it better to know or not to know?
I'm gonna end now, saying, I love both John and Destiny. I hope they know that. I can feel them, feel their love. I know they are angels now. I know they live on... because they live in my heart!!
People try and say that I'm not a mother. If they only knew... I am a Mama to two very special angels that will always be in my heart, will always be my first borns.
"NOT IN OUR ARMS, BUT IN OUR HEARTS AND HEAVEN FOREVER."
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Angels or My Page
