When you have something
 inside you,
 waiting, patiently or not
 to let you know...
 You wonder...
 When you can't see where it is
 or why it is there,
 you wait...
 Are you happy?
 or sad?
 maybe scared?
 Then you get used to the idea
 and no matter what
 you have that glow to you.
 You wake up every morning
 and smile to yourself.
 That secret within you
 is safe.
 Or so you think...
 You watch what you do
 and be alert to your surroundings.
 But, what happens when
 it's all taken away.
 No longer here.
 No longer alive.
 Where did it go?
 Why did it leave?
 Now, you feel empty
 a hole is inside you.
 You feel as though you have
 no reason to live
 because your reason
 just went away.
 Your smile faded yesterday.
 Where did it go?

dedicated to: John Peter and Destiny Faith

 This is my second poem.

I, once had you inside of me,
 a baby,
 growing,
 and making me glow.
 You weren't with me long
 I lost you
 and I don't know why
 One day you were here,
 and the next in my hand.
 I look at other people's babies
 and cry.
 Did I do something to make
 you die?
 Was I too happy?
 Or not happy enough?
 I long to change the past
 to let your tiny soul last
 I hope you're up there in Heaven
 watching over your Mama
 I miss you, little person,
 whoever and whatever
 you would've grown up to be.
 Some say it's for the better,
 others it was best
 There could've been something wrong,
 they say,
 or you're too young.
 But, don't they know,
 don't they understand, I wouldn't have cared?
 No matter what, I loved you
 for the short time you lived
 and I only wish I could
 have you here
 I know your birthday is coming up
 and I will cry
 for on that day,
 it was meant to be
 You and Me
 Mother and her child.
 A dream come true at last.
 But, Destiny had another plan.
 So, I lay you down to rest
 in a memory
 and a dream
 Hoping you're in a better place
 that was meant to be
 with God!
 Hoping that you know all the love I hold for you
 and someday we will be together forever.

dedicated to John Peter and Destiny Faith 
 We lost you just days ago
and to some you may be forgotten,
 To others a part of the past,
 But to those who loved and lost you,
 The memories will always last.

Dedicated to John and Destiny

 I see you above me,
 behind me,
 next to me,
 around me... watching every move I make.
 I know you're guarding me,
 my angel
 I feel you touching me
 to make sure I know that you're here
 and I do know when you're here,
 and I know you're here now.
 You want me to go on yet you want me to hold on
as tight as I can.
 Don't worry little one, I'll never let go
 The "bond" is strong.
 You've been gone so long
 yet it's just been a blink of an eye
 like your death.
 No warning,
 just gone,
 dreams shattered.
 hopes lost.
But, I won't forget
 the baby inside me.
 The baby I gave life too.
 I never felt you move,
my ears never heard you cry,
 but my heart hears you everyday.
 Sometimes I feel as though
 I can't go on, not without you
 but I push and push
 till I have no more strength,
 then I sit holding your blanket
and cry.

Dedicated to John and Destiny 
 These are my newest poems:

 I prayed
 and you came
 my little miracle I thanked God when I knew
and asked if I could keep you
 He said yes
 I remembered your brother and sister
 and knew I would love you
just as much as them
 I prayed you would be born
 Now I wait
 One day at a time
 Every day that goes by
is one closer to the day
 I get to gold you in my arms
and every day is another day that
God let me keep you
 I look to tomorrow with
 excitement and fear
 Dedicated to "Promise" due October 27, 1997

 Another new poem

 Promise
 When I was a lil girl
 I asked God for a promise
 He said “When you are older”
So, I waited
 When I was older
 I asked God to fulfill my request
 He gave me a taste
 of what the promise would be
 And then told me, “It is not time yet”
I cried for a long time
 and understood
 So, I waited
 When I was older
I asked God to bless me
 with the promise
 God said, “Okay, but be careful,
if the promise is to finish,
you must live right.”
I understood
 God gave me my Promise
 Now, everyday I remember my
promise with God as I
feel PROMISE living inside of me
 I only pray I live well enough
 I live worthy enough
 for God to let my Promise
 live and be born.

 And the last new poem

 Mama’s Lil Angels
 Angels are a gift from God
 Every one important and here
to do a job
 Not many people see them
 Most don’t believe
 but God has made angels
 to guard us
 to guide us
 to help us
 Sometimes God needs a special
 person to be an angel
 and He takes one of His children Home
 We, as humans, grieve,
and ask why
 and God comforts us
 Sometimes God needs an
extra special person to be an angel
and sometimes that angel isn’t yet on Earth
 but on his or her way to Earth
 and sometimes that angel
has only lived on Earth
 for a very brief time
 God has a hard time taking
these precious angels
 but He has a special place
for them to be
 Mama’s cry for their babies
unborn or born
 Sometimes their faith is shaken
and they yell at God
 This saddens God
 and he whispers down
 to the Mamas
 “Your lil one is now an angel
A special angel.
A baby angel.
I needed your baby to come
Home and help me
Your baby is so loved
 An unconditional love
So wonderful
 it is unexplainable
 Take comfort in knowing
 your baby is with Me”
The mother nods and is comforted
 but still cries “My baby...”
And God says “is now your angel”
Dedicated to John Peter and Destiny Faith
 ***************************************

"Not in our Arms, but in our Hearts and Heaven forever."

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